The vapors I know

Is it true?

2009-07-18T09:29:00.000-07:00

Yes, it is true. Jeremiah has a girlfriend and is in fact a one woman man. Her name is Megan and she is a beautiful little blond with blue eyes and a stellar smile. She's has very warm heart and even though at times she is shy I still find her to be very courageous. The best way I can describe her is that she's like liquid. She kinda just, I dunno, flows.
Most of you know that I haven't been in a relationship of actually dating someone for over a year, And that before that it was 3 years. So I can say that I'm fairly careful and maybe even fearful of committing to someone even if I've known them for a long time.
Megan and I only knew each other for barely 2 weeks and it just felt like the right thing to do. I'm not flailing around talking about how obsessed I am or even how desperately in love I am. mostly because I'm just not there yet. I feel there are many things holding my heart back but we both feel like the Lord will have His way in our lives as we submit ourselves to Him.
Megan has already been a profound amount of healing in my life thus far and I am often terrified of the idea of hurting her in any way just because I know how easily I fail. But once again I circle back to trusting God. Just as I am trusting Him for the lives of my family members and all of the losses recently experienced.
Now I cannot say I have any idea what the future holds.

But for the first time in my life,

I'm alright with the realization that I don't have to.

2009-06-28T15:19:00.000-07:00

This moment has feeling that I cannot recall.

2009-06-28T03:38:00.000-07:00

In my newly restored pursuit of true freedom I am beginning to realize how necessary it is to share. I fear the immensity of my emotions is what compels me to keep them as contained as I can endure. It has long been my personal belief that I have left or lost most of the pieces of my heart. And that they have been consumed by the ditches lining the old paths that I have traveled and abandoned. A hopeless loss until I discovered that my heart was stripped to make a way for new pieces to grow in their stead. They implore me for the spaces I withhold that restrain their unrelenting need to beat their way into life.

And for the first time since I can remember,

I'm ready to be consumed by feeling.

2008-12-07T21:16:00.000-08:00

This mountain is vicious, it circles miles around.
And it goes even higher, when viewed up and down.

When I dare to look up, I see where I once stood.
To return where I landed, in a place not as good.

I cannot find the reason, the purpose or cause.
But I'm hearing a song, which so lovingly calls.

It tells me to stand up, and to climb once again.
Because its my journey, and I've not met its end.

Projekt revolution 08

2008-07-28T16:26:00.000-07:00

WAS CRAZY! It was at Nissan pavillion in VA. 3 of the bands I was into that were there was Atreyu, Chris Cornell and Linkin Park. I went with my friends Nate, Adam, Allie and the twins Jessica and Madison. We waited in line for 2 hours to get in, why? Because while we waited in line there was a thunderstorm worse than any other I've ever been in. We were screaming at the top of our lungs as the shockingly cold rain would sting any skin left exposed. As if that weren't enough Adam had to declare, "Is that all ya got?" next thing you know, hail. The size of ice cubes, would pelt you in the face or the ears every few seconds. We were louder than anyone else there of course as we exclaimed our glee over how crazy the circumstances were. Next thing you know the sun came out and they finally let us in. Soon after that we were in the mosh pit at the revolution stage for Atreyu. CRAZY. I spent most of my time protecting Allie from the crowd surfers that were crashing into us every 5 seconds while, at the same time, trying to stop the mosh pits on either side of us from plowing us over. Soon before they started playing "When two are one" I dragged Allie behind me as I plowed through the crowd to get out before they REALLY started freaking out. At any rate we all ended up meeting together to go up to main stage for Chris Cornell and Linkin Park. (Of course collecting other people into our group who we moshed with the most at Atreyu) I relaxed for Chris Cornell, then when Linkin park came out, I went berserk. We started a mosh pit and I was flipping 200 pound guys over top of me while screaming at the top of my lungs and getting plowed into from my sides. I was dark by the time they came on so it made it a little harder to know what was going on... At any rate, it was the most fun I've had all summer and I'm looking forward to relaxing and letting my bruises heal.

2008-06-02T15:59:00.000-07:00

For anyone who wasn't there, a few weeks ago I was at a party when matt started playing "elephant love medley" over the sound system. Naturally, Christina and I started singing and were soon dancing about as others there decided to record it. I was at the party for about ten minutes all together. Watch it here

A broken window.

2008-05-16T11:51:00.000-07:00

My life was a window colored with stain, its panes were all painted by pleasure and pain.

It's pieces were perfect each fit side by side, yet far too frail for through storms, to abide.

For tragedy is always worst at its start, when it cuts through the fabric you know as your heart.

The fabric that held all those pieces together, was far too weak for such treacherous weather.

And as waves came crashing through all that I knew, the fragments were swallowed by deep ocean blue.

Those panes were the one place my life did abide, so undoing that true life should bring their divide.

The storm left me empty and tossed too and fro, as no more than torn fabric with nothing to show.

Then the lie of my nothing became something true, and this ocean became the one thing I knew.

For I am alive and far more free than before, because you only need windows when your part of the shore.

2008-04-07T10:48:00.000-07:00

Whisper down the lane is among the most odious sludge imaginable. Deep thoughts.

2008-04-02T18:46:00.001-07:00

I just changed my mind about what I feel like writing... So, that's that.

Easter was...

2008-03-23T16:43:00.000-07:00

Alot of fun. I love being with the family (no matter how tired I am) and as always, I found myself appreciating the hello's and horseplay far more than the goodbyes. I know, this picture is out of date and we are missing a number of new additions. Time for new family pics. I'm going to bed.

Brent Balla? Engaged?

2008-03-13T13:43:00.000-07:00

Totally intense and easily as sweet as a little asian tourist asking you, "Herro sir, what is fun ting to do here in America?" Yes it was fun, I took the liberty of making the 4 hour wait at the airport as obnoxiously enjoyable as personally possible. O! Riddle me this, I just realized the actual odds of me being the last one to get hitched in the family are, increasing... Shouldn't we start placing bets or something? At any rate I'm looking forward to the wedding, (which I am still suggesting we have in one of our houses so we can have it sooner) and also, the 30 day long baaaachlllaaa party. I still have yet to weigh the probability and expense of such an awesome decision... Meh, even if I have to party the first 25 days or so alone, it's on. It's cool to have Tara joining us crazies. And I'm looking forward to Brent and Tara baking little baby cookies together and adding more. Rock on.

Sigh

2008-03-08T22:14:00.000-08:00

People... Yeah, that's all I have to say about how I feel right now.

2008-03-04T18:45:00.000-08:00

Mmmm... I must say there's not much like a glass of pinot noir and a couple kraft singles on a week night right before hitting the hay after a long workday. I'm trying to slow down and not have my schedule so franticly fickle. I want more time for my family and my relationship with the Lord. Be still and know. Yes indeed... I'll have to take time to figure this blog thing out one of these nights... We'll when that happens. Hmm... I think I'm wanting to pull away from being around so many different people all the time is because I really don't enjoy most people. I'm gonna start sticking to friends and family. I'm tired of playing games with people I don't know.

Finding.

2008-02-28T19:06:00.000-08:00

Drifting toward destinations under covering veils, the mystery of intimacy remains as intimately elusive as finding discovery. To be found in fullness as deceptions demise... The seeker's surprise, whose secret's surmise, this one's surreptitious, becoming alive.